Seeking Answers Beyond the Physical Realm

If you’ve been part of the Humanity’s Team’s community for a while, you know that our mission is to make conscious living pervasive worldwide by 2040 . Recently, a newsletter subscriber wrote to us wondering how we will measure our progress toward such a large-scale goal. One way to gauge both our individual and collective progress toward conscious living is to examine how we relate to others. Is our way of relating primarily transactional or transparent? Is it transactional or transformational? Transactional relating is an integral part of the outdated worldview of separation prevalent today, where we believe we are separate from each other, separate from nature, and separate from the Source of all life.Transactional relating is primarily based on satisfying needs and desires: “I give you this and you give me that.” “I give you money and you give me that product or service.” “I give you eight hours of my day and you give me a paycheck.” According to this worldview, it makes sense to place our individual needs and desires above all else, including the community and the natural world. With transactional relating, things are measured and everything has a price – whether that price is in dollars, time, favors, or something else. Common phrases in our everyday language that speak to this way of operating are “tit for tat,” “quid pro quo” and “give and take.” Society encourages us to do more, have more, and acquire more for our individual selves. M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, describes how our personal, social, and business relationships often happen at the superficial edges. He says, “there is a traditional concept that friendship should be a conflict-free relationship, a ‘you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ arrangement, relying solely on a mutual exchange of favors and compliments as prescribed by good manners. Such relationships are superficial and intimacy-avoiding and do not deserve the name of friendship which is so commonly applied to them.” In business dealings and social interactions, he says we listen selectively “with a preset agenda in mind, wondering as we listen how we can achieve certain desired results and get the conversation over with as quickly as possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us.” In Book One of Conversations with God, spiritual messenger Neale Donald Walsch tells us that “most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them. The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see ‘show up,’ not what part of another you can capture and hold.” All of these are forms of transactional relating. Transformational relating, in contrast, goes beyond this commoditization of our world. Of course, it still involves purchases and transactions, but those transactions come from a different state of being – one in which awareness, intention, partnership, and community play an important role. How can our individual states of being create a conscious world? Our personal state of being, when combined with that of each of the other eight billion people on the planet, is the world. They are inseparable. What we call the external world is a combination of each of our individual bodies, minds, and souls. Our every thought, belief, behavior, and action affects the whole. Transformational relating is a powerful path for lifting consciousness. When you shift how you relate to the people at home, at the office, and in your local community, you are shifting it for the world. There is a palpable ripple effect. One person’s actions affect untold numbers of others. Because we humans are connected and interdependent, how we relate to a single person impacts the web of life. We experience this connectedness every day. A driver cuts us off in traffic and we get upset. We witness an act of kindness and we are instantly uplifted. In each case, our mood is altered, which then spreads to everyone else we encounter that day. Most of this happens outside our conscious awareness. However, when we choose to relate with others with our intention and attention, we choose conscious living. Our sense of relating becomes transformational. The true power of conscious living is that it creates a new kind of culture based on collaboration. Rather than championing individual achievements and promoting the idea of “everyone for themselves,” this new culture promotes decision-making and actions that are best for everyone and for the Earth itself. We outgrow our desire for fame, fortune, and power. We allow our intuition to steer us more often to doing what is most in alignment with our connection to each other and to the Earth. We also shift toward being more relational in our approach, knowing that a transactional approach all too often leads to blatant materialism and disregarding others’ needs. Transactional Relating: It’s Everywhere We often don’t realize how much transactional relating underpins today’s mainstream society. For example: ● You are extra nice to your hair stylist so they don’t take out their bad mood on your haircut. ● When dealing with others, you find yourself thinking, “what do I get out of this?” ● You are overly accommodating with waitstaff or give large tips with the expectation of better treatment or free stuff next time. ● You feel uncomfortable or a sense of obligation when someone does something nice for you. You might feel the need to say “I owe you one” or do something for them, the sooner the better. ● You find yourself using expressions like “it’s just business,” which is another subtle way to make it socially acceptable to treat people as commodities. Even the highly-praised idea of win-win is part of the old paradigm, since each person getting something is still a transaction – something for you, something for me. We often keep subtle, unconscious tallies of favors owed and received. I’ve known people who kept a mental log of every nice thing they did for others. I saw firsthand how they experienced a growing resentment when others didn’t fulfill the unspoken expectations that accompanied those “gifts.” That is not authentic friendship, but rather, a subtle form of transactional relating.  How Transformational Relationships Elevate Our Collective Consciousness In contrast, genuine relationships are based on authenticity, openness, and transparency. They prioritize trust, connection, love, and compassion over their own personal desires and benefits. No one keeps score. When you give from the heart – whether it be a gift, a favor, or a compliment – with no expectation at all, that’s transformational relating. You give out of the pure joy of giving. And everyone involved is uplifted and transformed as a result. Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author of A New Earth, describes a genuine relationship as one where “there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever. That alert attention is Presence. It is the prerequisite for any authentic relationship. The ego always either wants something, or if it believes there is nothing to get from the other, it is in a state of utter indifference.” Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations with God, Book One tells us that our relationship to all things “was created as your perfect tool in the work of the soul. That is why all human relationships are sacred ground. It is why every personal relationship is holy. Never do anything in relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are.” When we move toward transformational relating, we open ourselves to the idea of sacred reciprocity. We give not out a sense of obligation, but out of our love and gratitude for everyone and everything that sustains us. We also realize that the people in our lives mirror what needs to be healed and transformed within ourselves. As Humanity’s Team’s faculty member Panache Desai points out, “you’re really only ever in a relationship with yourself. That [other] person is playing the role that you’ve asked them to play for you…to push all your buttons and to show you everything that you have to embrace within yourself.” The challenge, of course, is to remember this. Which brings us back to conscious living. When we consciously choose to live each moment from a place of inner alignment and Oneness, everything we think, say, and do has a transformative impact on the entire world. To expand our way of relating to the world and each other, we must first transform ourselves. This journey of transformation begins with a deep inner alignment, where we connect with our true essence and embrace our divine nature. As we cultivate compassion, love, and empathy within ourselves, we naturally extend these qualities to others, leading to more meaningful and transformative relationships. This inner work is crucial, as our external world is a reflection of our internal state. When we embody our highest potential, we inspire and elevate those around us, creating a ripple effect that transforms communities and, ultimately, the world. One powerful resource to support this journey is our free program with Simran, " More Compassionate, More Human, More Divine: The Art of Sacred Embodiment. " Through this program, you can deepen your practice of sacred embodiment, learning how to live with greater compassion and authenticity. By transforming ourselves, we pave the way for a more compassionate, interconnected, and conscious world. This is the true essence of transformational relating—where our relationships are not just exchanges but sacred opportunities to uplift and be uplifted, to heal and be healed, and to evolve together in the light of our shared humanity and divinity